Raindrops and Tears
by BinaryCrescent
Summary: It could have been tears, but then it could have just been the rain. Loosely canonical fic featuring Anakin grappling with regret in the aftermath of Ahsoka's decision to leave the Order. But then, regret goes both ways. Cover art credit to Ellaine on Devianart.


**Title: **Raindrops and Tears

**Summary:** It could have been tears, but then it could have just been the rain. Loosely canonical fic featuring Anakin grappling with regret in the aftermath of Ahsoka's decision to leave the Order. But then, regret goes both ways. Cover art credit to Ellaine on Devianart.

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Star Wars, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, or Star Wars Rebels. I do own Irdin and Arein [AH-rayn] though.

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**19 BBY.**

"The clouds are gathering," someone shouted. "The rain is coming."

His mother hastily gathered his many boisterous siblings and ushered them into their house. All around them, villagers were scurrying, rushing back to the shelter of their homes and raising a concerned eye towards the heavens. The clouds, dark and ominous, clustered overhead - never a good sign. When storms struck on Arein, rain poured as if the very floodgates of heaven itself have been torn down.

Irdin loved the rain. At least, before it became a downpour.

He slipped away from his family. It would take some time before his mother noticed his disappearance, her attention divided between her many children. By the time she had settled all of them down and tended to the machinery out in the fields, he would have joined them in the safety of the house. He was not so foolish as to remain outside when the rain became a full-fledged storm.

But it would be safe enough to loiter a little longer to enjoy the drizzles that preceded the storm.

He slid around the corner of the street and headed towards the edge of the village. The scampering villagers paid no heed to the young human boy. Irdin knew just the place to watch the rain. It was a small clearing near the edge of the forest, far enough to remain undisturbed by the commotion in the village, and near enough, so a young boy could still find his way in the vast maze of undergrowth. It was his little piece of safe haven, a place to be away from his rowdy siblings when he needed some peace.

He picked his way carefully among the bushes and trees. Here, the beauty of nature was yet untainted. His village was fortunate. He had heard stories of how the Separatists razed nearby towns to the ground and murdered many of his people. For a while, everyone lived in perpetual fear. It seemed as though the attack of the droids were imminent. They were not warriors, they could not fight, and most could not afford a trip off the planet. They were only simple farmers, doomed to accept their fate if the droids were to march on their homes.

The Republic was their saviour. Cruisers emerged in their atmosphere, their valiant red markings clearly visible. For some time the skies were a raging battlefield, blue and red blaster bolts streaking across them, until the Separatist command ship erupted into a brilliant ball of crimson flames as the villagers cheered. There was talk of installing a Republic regiment in their area for protection, and already clone troopers were sent down in gunships to the ravaged towns nearby. It wouldn't be long before the soldiers came to their village.

He stopped short.

Someone was already in the clearing. (_His_ clearing. _His_ sanctuary. _His_ territory.)

He trod carefully around the bushes, taking care to remain hidden behind the shrubbery. Concealed behind a tree, he peeked through the branches to get a better look at the intruder.

He could only glimpse the side of the man's face. He was quite young by his looks - probably no more than 22 or 23. As Irdin took a closer look, he noticed the silver cylinder hanging on the man's belt and his unusual garb. The man must be a Jedi Knight, he realized with a barely suppressed gasp. A _Jedi_! What was a Jedi doing around here?

The dark-robed Jedi didn't seem to notice the spying child. He looked distinctly troubled as he leaned against a tree and closed his eyes, letting out a deep breath. The rain fell with soft pitter-patters around him, trickling from the leaves and branches, sinking into the moist soil. The drizzle was soaking his clothes and hair, but the Jedi paid no heed to it.

Then, slowly, as if he was afraid of something, as if he was desperate to prove something, he stretched his hand out and opened his palm.

The rain around him stopped. No, not stopped, Irdin realized with astonishment - the Jedi was holding the raindrops in the air with an invisible force. The young man's brow furrowed as glistening drops held still, frozen in their positions like strings of beautiful crystal beads.

Quivering. The first drop trembled, fell.

The entire curtain crashed down, the droplets resuming their natural course, pulled down by gravity. The man let out a defeated sigh and slid down, leaning against the base of the tree, burying his head in his hands.

"Why?" It was a strangled whisper, uttered by a broken soul. "Why did I let you leave?"

With trembling fingers, the Jedi slid a holoprojector from his belt and turned it on. A screen, glowing with soft blue light, appeared above the device, dyeing the rain the same hue of cyan as they passed through. Irdin edged closer out of curiosity.

It was a holovid, and he could barely make out a tiny figure in the middle of some chamber, standing on an elevated platform and surrounded by other figures seated on looming columns. The person in the centre looked like a young girl - a Togruta, like his aunt, Irdin noticed. His aunt told him that all Togruta had unique facial markings, and this girl's markings were indeed different from his aunt's.

"I... I don't know why I hacked into the Temple Archives for this..." The Jedi was mumbling to himself again, staring blankly at the blue screen above his palm. "But I..." He sighed. "Letting this happen to you was my biggest mistake."

Irdin had the distinct feeling of intruding on something terribly private, but a strange fascination gripped the young boy. The rain was falling fast now, creating rivets that poured down branches and leaves, filling the forest with a pulsating rhythm as the drops hit the trees. But Irdin was oblivious to such things, shifting a little to glance furtively at the projector. The holovid was still playing - it seemed to be footage of some kind of sacred trial in that mysterious Order. He had to strain to hear the recording, for the rain was drowning out much of the sound. The girl, he realized, must have been someone important and close to the young Jedi.

_"...serious charges... levied against you... How plead you?"_

_"Not guilty, Master..."_

_"...I was set up and deceived, as you are being deceived now..."_

_"...who is deceiving us?...you, or someone else?"_

_"You've already made your decision, haven't you? This meeting is just a formality!"_

With mild surprise, Irdin registered that the tiny person that was shouting at the edge of the hologram must be the same man before him. It was a strange scene, seeing his indignant and furious self in the holovid, while the man in front of him was so broken... so vulnerable. He wondered who the girl was. A protégé? A friend? A sister?

_"... committed sedition against the Republic, and thus, she will be expelled from the Jedi Order..."_

_"You can't do this!"_

_"...you shall forfeit all rank and privileges within the Grand Army of the Republic... turned over to the Republic courts to await your trial and punishment..."_

_"Henceforth, you are barred from the Jedi Order."_

The air was impregnated with regret and guilt.

"Was I a terrible master, Snips?" The man was murmuring to himself, speaking to the ghost of someone that wasn't present, speaking of things Irdin could not understand. "What sort of master couldn't even protect his own Padawan? I... I should have done _more_ for you, should have stopped the Council from doing this..."

His fingers trembled, shifted, pressed the button.

_"You can't do this!"_

_"Henceforth, you are barred from the Jedi Order."_

"I couldn't even defend you before the Council... I couldn't even stop them from accusing you of false crimes..." He let out a broken mirthless laugh, and Irdin felt a shiver go down his back. "Was that why you lost your trust in me? Ventress told me she was abandoned by her master just as you were and... somehow... she was speaking the truth." He buried his head in his hands again, his voice dropping to a whisper. "My own Padawan would rather trust Ventress instead of her own master... was I such a poor master, Snips?"

The young man's tone was laden with bitterness, with sorrow, with regret, and surprisingly, Irdin found himself feeling sorry for someone he had never met before today. The man just sounded so heartbroken, so fragile, so insecure, and the young boy had never imagined that a Jedi Knight could be so... human.

"You were far stronger and wiser than I ever could be, and what more could I teach you?..." The Jedi spoke into the unforgiving rain. "Sometimes, I wonder if you were right... leaving the Order, walking away from this mess of a war... I ... I just wish we didn't part under such circumstances."

He sighed. "I couldn't protect you, Snips... but one day, I will be powerful enough to sit on the Council and make a _change_..." He stared at the hologram, frozen on the last frame, the camera fixed on the young girl's dejected and resigned face. "I'm so sorry... I... I..."

"I miss you, Snips." The confession was barely above a whisper.

The young man lifted his head, and in the half-light Irdin noticed that he had striking blue eyes - eyes as blue as the clear Arein sky after a storm. He couldn't be certain from his partially obscured view, but the Jedi's eyes seemed to be glinting strangely, and Irdin wondered if he had been crying.

But then it could have just been the rain.

Then loud rustling broke out just a short distance from their position and the moment was shattered. The young man leapt to his feet and hid the holoprojector away just as a trooper in blue burst into the clearing, sounding utterly relieved as he told the Jedi something about "General Kenobi" and "trying to contact you". He thought the Jedi may have given a weary reply and called the clone "Rex" or "West", but Irdin could not have been sure.

He was running by then, suddenly ashamed and realizing that he had been spying on such a private moment. It was only when he was bolting away that the fact that he was completely drenched and would be receiving a sound scolding from his mother registered in his mind.

* * *

**3 BBY.**

Coincidentally, it was raining when they met, much like that other day years ago. Dark clouds crowded overhead and the downpour was relentless, the howling of the winds ringing in his ears. The standard field poncho provided him with little protection against the elements, but storms had oft accompanied his childhood, and he did not find himself particularly bothered by the rain out here.

He could see crates being unloaded from the transport and busy troopers shuttling the supplies back and forth in the newly established base. This world was exotic and humid, bringing to mind the lush green planet he had been familiar with as a child. It was with bittersweet nostalgia that he remembered his home planet, now robbed of its former peaceful beauty, with nothing left but a desolate landscape bearing the scars of the Empire's fury. He had no home to return to after the failed uprising, no family to find solace in, no sanctuary in the galaxy. The Empire did not treat those who defied its dictatorial rule kindly, and the Rebellion became the only asylum for survivors like him. Most days, they fled from one planet to another, constantly on the run from the menacing Imperial Fleet.

He was just returning from the observation post to give the standard scout report when he ran into her. She was just standing there, on the side of the secluded path, gazing out into the distance and lost in thought. He had wondered what someone was doing this far out and had ventured closer when he stopped short.

A memory, a past long forgotten, a stranger he had somehow met before.

And he threw all protocol to the winds.

"You're the Jedi girl in the hologram." He blurted out instinctively. She turned and regarded him quizzically.

It took several seconds for his brain to register his unbelievably brash and foolish move. He blushed bright red and mumbled a hasty apology. But there was no doubt she was the girl he had glimpsed a lifetime ago. She had grown indeed, but the Togruta woman before him still bore some resemblance to her younger self, and she shared the same facial markings as the girl in the holovid.

"Where have you seen me as a Jedi, corporal?" She did not sound offended, merely concerned as to why he knew of her heritage. Her outfit beneath the cloak was different from that of a rebel officer's, and was certainly not the garment of a Jedi, for that matter. Yet she carried herself with an air of calm and confidence, and he understood that she was someone of importance within the Rebellion - he realized she must be the strange woman he saw speaking with the General that morning.

"I.. I saw a young Jedi - I think he was your master - playing a holovid of you more than fifteen years ago." The words tumbled out of their own accord, and he winced at how incredulous it sounded. But the woman only seemed mildly surprised at his statement and a kind of pained realization seemed to dawn on her. He couldn't help wonder how close she was with the man he had only met once.

She asked him to tell her his story.

And so they stood in the rain as he recalled the tale from a childhood long ago. He spoke of rain and storms and a young boy from Arein, he spoke of holovids and trials and the Jedi in the clearing, he spoke of the sorrow and regret and broken words that the young man whispered.

"He missed you, you know." He told her quietly over the pitter-patter of raindrops.

A strange myriad of expressions crossed his companion's face - grief, nostalgia, tenderness, and what he thought might have been guilt.

"I know." Her reply was a low murmur. The words hung in the air, and he caught on the unspoken sentiment. _I missed him too_.

"Did he... did he... survive the purges?" The words seemed unbearably loud even amidst the storm. "Forgive me." He quickly added, silently chiding himself for not restraining his curiosity.

The Togruta woman did not speak for several moments. Then the answer came, soft and forlorn. "Yes, he died when the Jedi fell." Her gaze was furtive, and she stared into the distance instead of meeting his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. And so they shared a moment of silence together. She mourned for the master she had left behind, and he somehow knew enough to understand her pain of a close bond shattered.

He glanced at her briefly and realized that she too, had bright cerulean eyes. Through the pouring rain, he noticed that they seemed a little too bright. And he wondered -

But then it could have just been the rain.

"I'm afraid I've never learnt your name." She shook herself from her trance and offered him an apologetic smile.

"Irdin." He replied. "May I... may I know what's yours?"

She hesitated for just a second. "Ahsoka. You can call me Ahsoka."

They fell into silence once more and Irdin suddenly realized that he had a very much annoyed lieutenant to report to. He hastily excused himself and was starting towards the base when he heard her call.

"May the Force be with you, Irdin."

He turned, startled, and then the words fell from his lips naturally.

"May the Force be with you too, Ahsoka."

**THE END**

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**Author's Notes: **

**Hope you enjoyed the fic! I'm putting the A/N after the fic this time mainly to clarify some of the things happening in this story, so read ahead if you'd like to know more about the background.**

**For the record, the first scene takes place very soon after Ahsoka leaves the Order during the first mission Anakin has after the incident. Anakin was quite vulnerable during the scene and his senses were clouded, hence why he was not aware of Irdin spying on him. ****The second scene takes place shortly after Ahsoka had her vision in the Lothal temple but before the events on Atollon. She was probably just dropping by a new base to do some Rebel intel work when she encountered Irdin. ****Yes, she knows of Vader's identity but is understandably reluctant to admit it to others. She's probably still struggling to accept that Anakin could have fallen so far and she feels**** partially responsible for abandoning Anakin****. She just happened to hear Irdin's recount during a time when she was emotionally compromised.**

**For your reference, Irdin is very much human. His aunt is a Togruta but she was married into the family. Arein is a colonized planet, like Kiros, and ****is inhabited by a mixture of different races, including Togrutas. ****I like to think that Irdin has a special fascination for Togruta culture and that's why he paid so much attention to Ahsoka's facial markings. Also, keep in mind that he's just from a backwater agricultural planet so his knowledge of the Jedi and their Code is very limited.**

**Irdin is around 10 in the first scene and 26 in the second. Ahsoka is 17 in the first and 33 in the second.**

**This is the first time I've tried writing in such a perspective and I hope you liked it! ****I would appreciate it if you could leave a review! **


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